To Simply Be Still

I have been listening to the song "You Love Me Anyway" by Sidewalk Prophets. Every once in a while a song hits me and I have to listen to it over and over again until I get what is really being said to me. There are a few parts in the song that have really been hitting me lately and making me think.

"Still you call me to walk on the edge of this world"
How just simply wild is that? Just the thought makes me wonder of the great things that I don't even know about.

"It took more than my strength to simply be still"
This is the one that just yelled out at me. I have been learning this great lesson and I have just seen it very clearly. Be still... There is no need for change. There is no need to move on or go away. Just BE STILL. I have been taught this lesson at my job and a few other places in my life. I wont get into this but it has been a huge lesson lately. Then I am thrown this message... Leave... That is so different than the lesson that God has been teaching me lately that I should have seen it in the light a long time ago. Just BE STILL.

Thank you for all of the prayer for clarity.

"With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace"
I think that we all do this all the time. We take the gift that we were given in Jesus and just try to bury His grace. We put all of this other junk and stuff into some thing that was meant to be just simply grace.

"But You love me anyway"
I am reminded in this that no matter what I do He will love me anyway. He knew my decision before I even made it. If I left He would love me anyway. If I stay He will love me anyway. Just do whatever it is that you are going to do in love for Him and that is all that matters.

"I am the thorn in Your crown... but You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your Brow... but You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist... but You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss... but You love me anyway
See, now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd for Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground...
Yes then, I turned away with a smile on my face with this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace...
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You...
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life... but You loved me anyway"
This part of the song just gives me chills and hits me right in the face. I am all of these things... Are you?

My relationship has been hurting lately. My faith is fading. It is my prayer today for renewal.

See... it doesn't have anything to do with if someone has enough time to reply to an email... it has nothing to do with my husband and my children's faith... It has nothing to do with making me feel guilty... It has nothing to do with people leaving the church... It has nothing to do with your fear... It has nothing to do with anything except for my relationship with my one and only Jesus.

Sometimes it is just really hard to be simple...

opening up...

There are times when I have opened up to a person before and really been hurt by doing it. So now when I open up my heart and what I am truly feeling to someone it really means that I trust that person with myself. I find it hard to be around these people after opening up. Afraid to see myself reflected back at me or afraid to see what they really feel about me.I find myself being the same way with God.

I know that He truly sees everything already. So why is it so hard to bring up somethings and put them in the light instead of leaving them in the darkness? He already knows! I don't know... Maybe one day I will have the answer to that.

Lately I have had to make some really tough calls when it comes to certain things in my life. Today I am making another rough call. I looked at my husband last night and said... You know if he never answers me then I will have to leave... Big call there. So I have decided that if he does not answer me today; then what I heard was true and it is time to leave. I am praying so hard that he will just answer me today. I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave what is comfortable. But not having a answer makes it uncomfortable so I can't wait for an answer for forever.

The unheard scream... I have had a lot of those in my life. Right now it is the unheard scream inside that is screaming answer me please just answer me.

Empty...

I am losing my two girls in a few days. Every year during the summer the girls go to their Dad's house in Illinois. It is like losing my heart every time they go!

I think that this has been a huge part of what has been wrong with me lately. I don't let it show to much but the moment my girls leave my heart is broken. In working on hiding this hurt I think that somehow I hid it from myself and I didn't realize that this is why I have been hurting lately.

I spend all my days with them. I love being a Mom to them and just really being a part of their life. K got to stop writing now or I will be crying all over the place!

Where do you go?

Where do you go when there is no clear direction for you to go?

I go to Jesus. I sit with Him, I walk with Him, I talk to Him, and most important I listen to Him... But right now I am listening and I am not hearing anything. I heard something from Him clearly. But I am so afraid to walk in that direction... I keep asking is this really it? Is this what I am really supposed to be doing? But all I am getting is silence.

I decided to wait until after June 12th to see if I hear anymore from Him about this. But since then I have been feeling empty. I have been feeling confused. I have been feeling lost. I know He is still out there listening to me.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21

I will be listening...

Blow you away...

How has God blown you away lately?

Yesterday I was having a horrible day. I was grumpy and angry... just plain tired. I think it might have to do with me really not knowing what He is wanting from me right now.

Yesterday evening James and I went to the store to pick up my temporary wedding band. A year ago I lost the diamond out of my engagement ring so I have not been wearing my wedding ring set. I have been wearing a cheap ring that we used for our wedding. So for mother's day they bought me a temporary ring to wear until we could afford the $600 it was going to cost to replace my missing diamond.

On the way home James asked me if I liked the ring and I told him yeah it would do until we replaced my diamond. I joked with him and told him that we would be able to afford that when we retired..lol So in my mind I thought nope its up to God when He will replace that diamond.

So this morning on my way into work during my morning prayer... I prayed to have a better day than yesterday...

When I got to work I went to some of the girls in the office and I was showing them my new ring and telling them the story about my missing diamond... So one of my coworkers says are you looking to buy a diamond? I said yeah but it will cost us $600 and we can't afford it right now... Then she says I have a diamond in my purse that I will sell to you for cheap!!!!!!

She has had this diamond in her purse for the last three years with no real plan on what to do with it... I have been walking around for the last year with my ring in my purse praying for a way to replace my diamond!

Needless to say God has blown me away yet again and I am having a wonderful day!!!!!!

Smothered...

Sometimes I feel so smothered that I can not breathe. I am feeling that way in one part of my life right now.

I was told something the other day during my prayer time. I don't know if I should take it for exactly what was said or not. I am waiting and still listening... But since then all of the bad that I could see about this one spot in my life has come to light. Every time I turn around the bad spots are slapping me in the face. Have they always been there and I have just ignored them... or are they just starting to happen now.

I am sold out... 100% sold out. My faith is the strongest that it has ever been. I love God with all of my heart and all of my soul and all of me. I always have an ear turned to listen and to seek out what I am supposed to be doing. Waiting to hear from Him. I would rather die than to deny Him any part of me.

But what do I do when what He is telling me to do would appear to ruin my marriage? When it would tear me a part from the local church that I am a member of?

I am listening... Sometimes I need to be reassured...

Hey!!! Where have you been???

I guess it has been a long time since I last wrote anything on here. I had no idea that it had been that long. I need to put it back in my schedule to at least write on here once a week again.

Where have I been?

Lets see... I have been working and enjoying my job lately. The last month has been a trying time for me. It is my one year anniversary since I left my old job. It was and is still really hard. I read something the other day about forgiveness... I need to really work on that forgiveness and get those guys out of my life. My heart is still hurting and the pain cuts really deep. I thought that I was done with all of that. But the last month has proved to me that I am not. I need to remember the grace that Jesus asked me to have and to actually extend that grace into forgiveness.

School has been crazy lately. I had a major melt down and almost quit my accounting school. I think that I am just really being over worked and under supported. After finally expressing this to my husband I feel a lot better though. I just could not find the time to get all of my work done and still spend time with my family. God answered a prayer and not really in the way I thought... But now I have about an hour to an hour and a half in the morning to work on my school work.

As for Bible college I am wrapping up my class and writing my final paper on that one. I wanted some big bright answer to God's call but I haven't received it yet. I keep hearing about spiritual gifts and they are all around me. Maybe I need to take some quiet time and really just open up to hear the answer.

Family life is going good. Rikki and Jissi are getting ready to leave for the summer. I will miss them. But they really do need some good time with their Dad. James and I are going to be doing the summer kids program at church to still be around kids during the time that they are gone. I think that it will really be fun this year.

I am working on reading the Bible in 90 days still. I lost some time but now I have made it up. So it will be 90 plus days :) I love reading the Bible and hearing what my Father has to tell me. When I am reading the Bible it seems like the rest of the day goes great.

So here is to another great day with my one and only true pure love.... Jesus!

Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!

I had the complete joy the other day to answer a prayer as it was being said...

The other day at work I was sitting downstairs doing some paperwork and I overhead the woman in the next desk on the phone fighting with someone. I had overhead this conversation for a few days but this was the first time she got so mad that she slammed the phone down and hung up on the person...

The conversation was about her not being paid for the last 3 weeks. A single christian mom living with friends I knew I could hear her praying as she slammed down the phone... God please just help me. Then I got the push and the shove from above telling me you can answer this one for me.

I went up stairs gathered all the cash I had on me out of my envelopes that I set up for Dave Ramsey. Then I tried calling my husband to ask him about loaning her the money and he didn't answer. Sitting here debating on if I should just go ahead and do it without my husband... Into my office walks my husband with flowers and candy for no reason what so ever. God does have perfect timing!

The joy and happiness of being able to answer a prayer that God sent me to answer is so amazing!!!! I want to do it more. I want to do it everyday!

God had this planned for so long. I can clearly see everything leading up to this one moment now. Me not wanting to keep my job but God telling me no this is where I want you. My husband and I being able to go to FPU and have the money to loan to this woman. Me going downstairs to do paperwork that I would normally do upstairs.

Then the real kicker... Telling her you know I would not have been able to help you a few months ago... But because of God and FPU I was able to help you. Then her saying you know my Dad has been trying to get me to stick with FP for a long time.

Faith sees the invisible,

believes the incredible and receives the impossible!

Hello.... hello.... hello

Do I hear an echo in here? I haven't posted in a while but only because I have been so busy. Life has been crazy. I am searching and seeking places to take a rest and God is helping me find those spots when I need them.

Around the first of the month I started a program to read the whole Bible in 90 days. I am almost a quarter of the way done and I am doing really good. I find myself having a hard time reading the Old Testament. Although I find it to be the most interesting part. I still can not figure that one out.

School is going good. James and I decided that we are going to both remove the pressure from me to be a 4.0 student. That is good because I got 25 points off of a paper the other day because it was too religious... Ok it was about estate taxes and it was too religious... Yep explain that one to me and we both will have a clue. lol

Life is going good. James and I signed up to help out at the kids summer camp this year for church. The girls are going to be gone for the summer so it will be a great time for us to be able to serve. I am really looking forward to it. James and I met at camp when we were kids so it will be neat to be back in that environment together again.

Psalm 40:1

I got this verse in an email the other day. I get daily verses from a few different sources. But for some reason this is the one that I held on too.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.

~ Psalm 40:1

Sometimes I feel like I am holding my breathe waiting for the Lord to help me. Then when He does it takes my breathe away. Just to know that He is crazy in love with me and that He is listening to my cry.

Sometimes life takes you by surprise. You think you are going one way and then the next moment all of that changes.

I heard someone the other day talking about God filtering. Because whatever is going on in our life has to go through His hands first. So everything that we have going on in our life is God filtered. Sometimes we don't really like what He has filtered out for us.

Sometimes we think that we know the people that we love and then they show us an old side of them that hasn't been around in a while. Something that you thought that God had taken from that persons life. May be all things are not God filtered???? I don't know I don't have the answers.

I am so looking forward to my Foundation in Ministry class tonight. Continuing on my quest to find the thing in life that God has gifted me to do. One day it will be nice to be at peace.

The Grace Card

We are going to go see the movie "The Grace Card" tonight. I have been looking forward to it. Today I handed out my first Grace Card.

"I promise to pray for you everyday, ask your forgiveness, grant you the same, and be your friend always..."

That is what my goal is for the year. To hand out as many Grace cards as God ask me too and to keep up on the prayers everyday!

Last year I heard a call from God telling me to learn as much as I could about grace. I believe that I have written about that before on here... I didn't have an idea at all before I sat down and started writing this that that was going to be my goal for the year. Last year it was give more than you receive and this year will be the Grace Card year...

I love knowing that God has a plan for me and if I listen I get to learn parts of the plan all the time!

Broken Hearts

Broken hearts are hard to mend. On Monday I had a broken heart. I got a call Monday afternoon at work from Jissi saying that the dogs were gone. I have a huge heart for my babies. Sara is a weimaraner and Sheba is a husky, malamute, and some wolf. I loves these two as much as I love Rikki and Jissi. They are a huge part of our life.

So I rushed home and went looking for them. Imagine standing out in the middle of a field with your heart just broken praying to God to move a mountain for you and bring them back.

While looking for them I spotted a dog catcher truck. Something told me to chase this truck down. So that is what I did. I followed it all over town for about 30 minutes until it stopped. They told me that the girls were safe and at the pound. I cried huge tears of joy.

I didn't know this at the time but the pound is closed on Mondays. So if I had not chased this officer down I would have spent all night worrying about Sara and Sheba. Thank you God for leading me to a person who could help me.

So we spent a long lonely night without the babies. All the while worrying about the cost of bailing them out of jail. The next morning after some running around I got to pick up the girls with their new microchips for only $450.

This may seem like a lot to people... But I love these girls. I am a christian and I am to love everyone. It doesn't matter if the being is human or not. I am to love everyone. I believe that Sheba and Sara have souls. I know they do. So this means as a christian I have to love them.
God has used these two girls to teach me a lot of lessons.

Also I am paying for a service. I may not have asked for the service. But I am so thankful for the officer that picked up my girls and put them in a safe place for the night. A place were they couldn't get ran over or lost. People forget that dog catchers are doing a public service. I don't like it when I have to pay a ticket. But I do it because I broke the law. So why would it be any different.

Lets see there is a lot going on in our life right now. We are still working on FPU. Oh yeah thanks to Dave Ramsey I didn't have to go get a payday loan to bail out my dogs! LOL We are still working the program and I feel that it has taken a huge amount of stress off of us.

I went to my first seminary class. It was great. I am looking forward to what the class will bring. I am still working on my BS in Accounting. I will be transferring to all online at the end of this month.

I finished up my Beth Moore 90 days with the one and only Bible study! I have now started on the Paul 90 days on his journey of faith Bible study.

We are moved into our new house. But we still have a bunch of stuff to move from the other house and we need to clean up our mess there.

Just moving right along...

Always Amazed!

I am always amazed by God! I pray that I never stop being amazed! From the words we say that we are unsure of to knowing that those words were the right ones because God throws them right back at you!

We are busy busy busy... Ok I am busy busy and the rest of the family is busy.... :) Two different schools, work, Bible study, FPU, moving, and praying. The praying happens first of course. But then it happens at the end again! :)

School is going good. I am slowly working through all of my homework. One and half classes of homework down and one and a half to go. A lot of the stuff is easy to work through. So I have been blessed with classes that all flow together. For one of the classes I took a personal assessment test. It is called the Gallup Strengths finder... "Your Signature Theme" Boy did mine come out right. My top five were and are Achiever, Arranger, Self-Assurance, Individualization, and Belief. I am looking forward to figuring out how these are going to fit into my life now and learning about them.

Work is going good. Nice and easy. I talked to James about it the other day and I think that God put me here for a reason. It is a reason that I may not see right now. But I need to be here.

I am almost done with my Bible study. 90 days with the one and only Jesus has been an awesome study. I am looking forward to starting Paul on the 8th. James ordered me a new Bible and it should be in today. I am so excited. I have no idea what he had put on front.

FPU is going good! I made some homemade envelopes for our envelope system. They are looking good. My OCD is loving the envelop system! Everything in its place. We are all still working through this as a family. We look forward to Thursday nights and our commissions. I look forward to the family getting together to talk...lol

Moving we are moving like crazy. We should be in our new place by Saturday. But it will probably take longer than that!

Prayer... I am praying for all kinds of stuff right now. I am praying for my friend Laurie. I am praying for a friend daughters, I am praying for my daughter, I am praying for the church, I am praying for grace, and a long list of other things. I need to sit down and create a prayer list. It is important not to forget anyone!

Last night I got to take the time to catch up with a friend that I had not really see or talked to lately. It was wonderful to see her and hear her voice! I love her and she is an amazing woman!!!

So much going on!

We have had way to much going on lately. We had a really big weekend.

Friday night we stayed home as far as I remember...lol Saturday we got up and ran around. I went and registered for my new class. Then we went and picked up some smaller desks and a used computer. Then we went home and got the girls and headed to Payette.

We went to a memorial service of a good friend of ours. He was such a great man and a wonderful father to his three beautiful girls. Last year in 2009 he found out he had cancer. So for the last year he has been running around making big memories with his girls. He also accepted Jesus as his savior. I am so happy that he has gone home to our Father. He will no longer have to deal with the pain of cancer. I worry and pray for his girls... It is all in His hands.

Sunday we went to our church service, then to FPU class, and then to a meeting to plan an event to feed 150 families in the area. Ran home and got a bite to eat and settle for a few hours... Then back to the church for a dinner and business meeting. Then grocery shopping.

Man our weekend just really blew by. We are also still moving in all of this wonderful mess.

I have figured out one thing... I don't know what He has planned for me by attending this new class. But I have been at peace somewhere deep inside since I have signed up for the class...

Nervous

Nervous... excited... I don't know!!!!

So I didn't get the job that I was waiting to hear about. I guess God wants me right where I am at. Patience... does that sound familiar? He was telling me that whole time. I was writing it down. He knew... why didn't I hear???

So the other day I am reading my church's newsletter and there is a note in there about a Foundations in Ministry class.
(I am already a FULL TIME student!!!! Come on how interested am I in adding to that????)

But I hear this loud voice in my head saying, "Take that class!" I don't want to take that class. Yes I am interested in that class... But we can't afford it... I don't have the time...

Needless to say I am in the process of signing up for the school and taking that class. I am excited and nervous. I love teaching. I love learning. I love numbers. My daughter says I am going to have degrees, diplomas and certificates in everything. I told her it was so that I can take care of your health, do your books and help you spirituality... :) One stop shop.

In other news we are still living like no one else so that later we can live like no one else. We are selling selling selling...lol

We have... ok James has started moving some of the stuff into the new house. I am starting to really look forward to having a doggie door!!!!! Sara is driving me nuts!

I am flying through my class this mod. I am still working. I am still praying. I am still waiting...lol

Still Waiting...

Man God must want me to learn one big lesson in patience... Why can't I get it? I know that my lesson in grace is mixed in there somewhere too.

I am still waiting to hear back from the job that I interviewed for. Why do I always make it seem that I can make up God's mind for Him? That I can rush Him along. I have to put it into my mind everyday and every moment that God has perfect timing.

In other news...lol

We are currently packing up for the big move. We should be actually taking stuff to the new house but the garage door is broken and just anyone can open it so we are waiting for the owner to fix it before we start taking stuff over.

We are still selling stuff off like crazy. We haven't made any big sells lately. But slowly but surely is working for us. It is going to take months and then a big garage sale in the spring to get through all of the junk that we have piled up.

I am still working through my Beth Moore series. Today it talked about how Jesus was humble enough to wash the disciples feet. Amazing... I pray that I could become like that.

My oldest daughter turned 15 yesterday. Boy that is huge! I have been a mom for 15 years now. I don't feel like I know more now than I knew then. I am still just praying to know the answers.

So here I am... I guess I will go back to waiting now. I should be getting good at it! :)

You are more!

The song "You are more" by Tenth Ave North is an awesome song. I love the fact that we are all more. We are more than what we could even begin to think about. We are completely and totally loved! It is so amazing to think of things that way.

I had three interviews in the last two days. One I didn't get. One I don't want. Then the other I am still waiting to hear on. We will see what His plan is.

We are still selling things like crazy. We need to get back in the groove and take some more pictures of items and get them posted on craigslist. We are falling behind.

Talk about falling behind... I feel like I am falling behind on my school work. But that is ok I will catch up this weekend. I just hate being behind.

We go tonight and sign the lease on our new rental house. I am looking forward to the down sizing and all of that. I am also looking forward to a nicer budget! LOL Speaking of which we have our first family meeting tonight on the budget and pass out commissions to everyone. The girls are getting a big $5 each and James and I are getting $7.50 each. I have no idea what I am going to do with that kind of money!!!! :) I think I will save mine up. But we will see what happens.

Still here... Just waiting to get things to calm down!

Family Meeting

We had our first family meeting last night... ok not our first but our first in a really long time. It was good for all of us to get on the same page with each other and find out what is going on...

We are going to start doing these once a week now to keep up to date with each other and to go through some of the plans that we have learned through FPU.

I have a job interview tomorrow. So I am trying to get ready for that. I am excited about it and I am looking forward to trying some of my new interview ideas out on it.

Tomorrow I also get to spend the day with a really good friend of mine from church. It will be great to be able to sit down and talk to her one on one. I am looking forward to that more than anything else.

I have been working through the Bible study by Beth Moore called 90 days with the one and only Jesus. It is an amazing Bible study and I recommend it to anyone!!! It has brought up something that I had not thought about. It has been a good experience for me.

Tonight I have a Marching Band Booster board meeting. I sat down and got most of the books done last night. It is so hard to stay attached to doing those things when Band season is over.

We are still getting rid of stuff. We sold some stuff last night and we should have some people picking some stuff up tonight. I AM SO HAPPY to be getting out from under all this stuff!!!!!

I will love you for you!

It is so amazing how Jesus loves us just for who we are. Not because of what we have done or what we will do. But just because we are just us.

I need to remember this often. I have been putting on some weight lately. But I have to remember that I am loved not for what this body looks like but just because I am me.

We are still working on cleaning house and getting rid of a bunch of stuff. The other day I felt very overwhelmed by just how much stuff we have to get rid of. It takes forever to list it all on craigslist. So James and I have decided to just start packing for sale boxes with the small stuff in it. That way we can just pull out a box at a time to sale. This helps with having to pack to move also. I do have to say that we have been making some money though! LOL

We are also still working on FPU. We sat down yesterday and went over our budget. It is so nice for both of us to be on the same page. That is worth the cost of the class right there.

I have two job interviews this week. James and I went this weekend and found me a suit to interview in. I am also reading and working through a book called 48 days to the work you love. I feel like this will help me get the job that I am supposed to have.

Jissi's birthday was on Friday. She wanted biscuits and gravy for dinner. Then Saturday we took her and her friends to the movies.

James and I got to spend some good time together this weekend. We went out to a movie together and had dinner. There is a theater here that serves dinner while you watch a movie.

It was a good weekend for me to relax and be able to come back to a job that I really don't want to be at anymore...

I have been going to school for two years for my BS in Accounting. That is still going well. My class is easy this month. So that helps me be able to focus on other things.

I have a great week planned and I am looking forward to what God has planned for me!

Here we go...

I haven't written in a few days because I was going through a rough time. Sometimes when I am going through a rough time I try to keep others out of it. I don't like putting other people through my bad times and putting them into a bad mood.

I am slowly coming out of that though. I learned a huge lesson during this time though. God is listening to me. I just need to remember that. He has been reminding me of the fact that He is listening everyday now.

We are currently going through Financial Peace University (FPU) at our church. After listening to the whole series this week I do have to say that it sounds like it is a great program. There are seven baby steps in FPU the first is to step up an emergency fund with $1,000. We are working through that step right now. I do have to say that while working through just this first step that I am starting to feel peace.

We are going through a big change in our life right now. We are waiting to hear if James got a job in Kentucky. If he did then we need to prepare to move. If he didn't then we need to prepare to move into a smaller place.

Remember I wrote a while back about starting to get rid of stuff. We have started doing that. I got rid of a bunch of books, some scrapbooking punches, and James got rid of a charger thing. We are taking pictures of stuff everyday and posting it on Craigslist to get rid of it. It is crazy how getting rid of just a bunch of junk can relieve stress.

Today Sucks!

It is one of those days... It seems like the last few months I have been waiting for an answer and never receiving one. Begging for an answer and never hearing one.

I am so tired of emotional being beat up on. I told James that I was upset last night and that it is all it took to tear everything apart.

I feel worthless, I feel useless, I feel tired... It is never ending it just keeps going round and round. I am so tired of hearing the same things all the time when things do not go the way that would be best.

I tired of feeling like we never have enough money to make it.

Here is an awesome break in this blog... As I am writing this I receive an e-mail from a friend who tells me that she had been thinking about me this morning after I e-mailed her and just told her that I needed to reach out to someone because I was having a bad day.... Then I get this reply... Without her even knowing what was going on at all...

"That is amazing because you were on my heart this morning and i was already thinking about you a lot! You are such a smart, talented, and beautiful woman! Know that God loves you and knew about today - that it would be tough for you. But He is here to comfort you as am I. Know His promises to bear your burdens for you! He is quick and mighty to save. Oh take heart today, sister! Let me know how you're doing!"

Amazing! Obviously God is listening to me and He does hear me. Here is my reply to her....

"You are awesome! Thank you for listening to God this morning and putting just what I needed to hear in an email to me.

I was so angry until I read your email. I was angry at God for not listening to me and not hearing me. But obviously He is listening and He is hearing me or your words would not have been able to come out so perfect without even knowing what was going on with me.

I am just at a point in my life were I am just so tired. Tired of waiting for answers. Tired of financially not being able to make it. Tired of being in a dead end job. Tired of having to go to the food bank. Tired of telling people that we need help. Tired of not having time to breathe. Tired of crying. Tired of trying to be brave. Tired of being strong for everyone.

You know me and that I am the type that believes that everything is in His hands and He knows what is right for me. I believe that He has a plan and I am waiting on that plan. But sometimes it is so hard to just wait.

Thank you for being here for me this morning. You have no idea how much it means to me!"



I am looking forward to seeing what the rest of God's day has in store for me now.

New Year

It seems like every New Year people all over the world make resolutions... Resolutions to change their life. To do something different. Most of these resolutions fail... At least that is what you hear.

Last year I made a resolution to give more than I received. I feel as if I accomplished my resolution. I may not have given all that I wanted too. I am not made of money. But I did give money, I did give time, I did give support and I did give love. I don't know if I truly gave more than I received. But I know I put my best effort forward and always remembered it in the back of my mind.

I was a completely different person this time last year. I know that I have come a long way. I feel that making that resolution last year allowed Jesus to work in my life and put me where I am at right now. Instead of there being this huge wall between the two of us... (Of course I was the one who built the wall in the first place... :) ) I let some light in. That is all you need to do with Jesus. Just let a little light in. Once you do that hold on because you are in for the ride of your life.

I am attending church again. My relationship with Jesus is so much more than I thought it could be. I quit smoking after 23 years. I lost my job. I got a new job. I stood up for myself. I turned my life over to God. I am broke. I love more. I no longer hate. I hit bottom. I touched the top.

I guess that is why I am putting a lot of thought into my resolution for this year. I don't want to think of it as a resolution because I feel like I have a lot of those this year. I think what I am looking for is my basic theme for the year. What do I want to do more of, be better at, or should I just stay with what is working??? Who knows what I will pick. But I will let you know.

Lets see where this year leads me. As long as I have Jesus I will not be afraid!